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<TITLE>Re: [cma-l] CMA Charter - version 10</TITLE>
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<FONT FACE="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:12.0px'>Thanks Alex for helpful input on the charter. I will ensure your suggestions are incorporated in the next stage of this process which will be at the AGM. If we don’t reach a clear decision on the words that day I (and others) will propose that the process continue thereafter till we have the charter we need to take us forward.<BR>
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Thanks again<BR>
Best wishes<BR>
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Phil <BR>
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On 23/5/11 16:38, "Two Lochs Radio" <tlr@gairloch.co.uk> wrote:<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><BLOCKQUOTE><FONT FACE="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:12.0px'>Seems to be getting into shape now, and pre-empts soem comments I had been about to send, but coudl I still make a few comments for what they're worth. The first two may be seen as pcky points of grammar, but we may as well get it right!<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>The new sentence at the end of the first paragraph is pretty tortuous (and likely to marginalize people with less than perfect English!). How about putting it into natural order? It's actually quite a tangle unless separated into 'Janet and John' sentences, but how about:<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>"<I>The production practice and content of community digital media foster greater understanding among communities, including those most marginalized, which supports peace, tolerance, democracy and development.</I></SPAN></FONT></FONT><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:12.0px'>"<BR>
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</FONT></SPAN><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Probably could be improved further, but I think the current draft is definitely too tangled. I also thing the preceding sentence ("Community media promotes...") is a much stronger sentence and might be best place last int he paragraph for a more lasting effect.<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Opening clause for remaining paras:<BR>
Is "should seek to..." not too vague (or even inapplicable to some paras, especialy # 7. I woudl suggest replacing "seek to" by "should". Maybe this is seen as too strong, but "seek to" is certainly very weak.<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 2: <BR>
I think would be more inclusive if it added the words "and culture" to the end, or even used just the word "culture" instead of "traditions".<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 3: <BR>
Pleased to see the word 'registered' ditched - I was going to suggest that, and I wondered if it would be better worded "are an integral part of" instead of "registered/recognized"? Or maybe "integrated and meaningfully reflected in..."<BR>
Of course, it might have no effect anyway - it leaves the door wide open for officialdom to say they are fully recognizing it's value while not actually doing anything concrete. (Call me a cynic.)<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 4: <BR>
"processes of" could be deleted to sharpen the wording.<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 5: <BR>
delete "in determining their output" - it's redundant and vague - is it intended to mean that the independence should extend beyond editorial policy and content - if so in what other ways? (Picky grammar point, "range" or "various" would less ambiguous than "variety".)<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>I was in two minds about whether the "(local and national)" is redundant. Technically it is, but if it just says "government" many people might not take it to include local authorities and assemblies. But far more importantly, there appears to be no term covering agencies, by which many government/state activities and policies are handled nowadays. Perhaps it neds to be something like "independent of government, statutory bodies and agencies, commercial...". Maybe we're on a hiding to nothing trying to list all the relevant bodies.<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Should be a comma after "sources"<BR>
"Subject to <U>serious</U></SPAN></FONT></FONT><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:12.0px'> misrepresentation" is a very subjective phrase. Maybe should "have a process for proper handling of complaints of misrepresentation."<BR>
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</FONT></SPAN><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>NB where does this clause leave CR stations whose licences are held by religious bodies? Are they still required to be editorially independent of any churches (maybe they are, I'm just asking)?<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 7:<BR>
What's with the phrase "or individually contribute to". As worded it appears to leave the way open for me to run a fully commercial venture as long as I make some donations to a not-for-profit cause. Also running on from the head clause it is only saying that I shoudl "... seek to ... contribute to primarily not-for-profit organizations." That is far to woolly. If the charter means that community media practicitioners must operate for public benefit and not for private profit, it should say so. If it doesn't mean that, what exactly does it mean?<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 8<BR>
surplus full stop and word "to" at the end of the first line. Delete the word "their" in second line - they aren't "their" before they have joined! Maybe replace it with "appropriate".<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 9<BR>
At the end of the first line it should be "that" not "which" (they do not mean the same thing - picky grammar point again, but may as well get it right)</SPAN></FONT></FONT><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:12.0px'>. The second "which" should be deleted.<BR>
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</FONT></SPAN><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Para 10<BR>
Again "which" is wrong, should be "that". Could also delete "local, regional, national and international" without altering the meaning (unless it was intentionally excluding galactic and intergalactic!). <BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Or maybe say <I>"Promote and foster better communication and partnership working in the sector, thereby building networks at all levels to further develop good practice and strengthen communities."<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Just my tuppence worth.<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Cheers<BR>
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</SPAN></FONT><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT FACE="Calibri"><SPAN STYLE='font-size:14.0px'>Alex<BR>
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